Poem: If I Called

If I Called 

26 January, 2006.

If a voice through darkest midnight
Reached your ears as you Southward journeyed,
Would you turn and start the road back?
– If I called you, would you come?

If a cry upon the salt wind
Touched your heart as with waves you fought,
Would you manhandle the boat about?
– If I called you, would you come?

If your name spoken in suff'ring
Tore through air and through space to reach you,
Would you drop what you were doing?
– If I called you, would you come?

If I weep alone at midnight;
If I cry out in the battering wind;
If I moan your name in pleading –
If I call you, will you come?

If you need me to be near you,
If you cry though the distance is great,
I will turn and start the road back –
If you call me, I will come.

–––

I also post short poems to Tumblr sometimes. You can find them by searching my Tumblr blog for the tag 'poem'.

My eighth book: Raymond's Nemesis

Raymond's Nemesis is now released. Huzzah!

Cover by the superlative DrRiptide.

You can see a short blurb and read an extract from the book at my blog post here, or go straight to the book's page at Smashwords here.
Thank you to those who preordered the book, and thank you to everyone who buys and reads it.
Raymond's Nemesis was 'the strawberry Oreo book', and while I was preparing it for publication I bought a packet of strawberry Oreos and ate them, for old time's sake.

The cover for Raymond's Nemesis

The cover for the sequel to Raymond is finished.

Cover by the longsuffering DrRiptide.

As you can see, DrRiptide and I designed it to be similar to the cover of Raymond, which you can see here.
My previous blog post here contains an extract from Raymond's Nemesis. The silver wolf statue on the cover comes later in the book, and once again, Raymond's special graveyard is featured in the story. Threats are made, Wilson has a moment – or two – of awesome, Raymond uses vocabulary that only he would use and comes up with a cunning plan, and we see more of Callum and George.

Raymond's Nemesis will be released on 31 December 2018 – though if you live in the Northern Hemisphere, that will be the 30th for you, and websites that are based in the Northern Hemisphere will show the release date as the 30th.
Preorders of Raymond's Nemesis are available at iBooks, Kobo, and Barnes & Noble. You can view the book's page here at Smashwords, but Smashwords does not have the capacity for preorders.

How To Be A Prince

How To Be A Prince

• Know that you are the ruler of your life. Embrace it. You are allowed to have authority in your own life.
• Nothing is too good for you. Stop fretting over whether or not you ‘deserve’ things: you don’t. No one does. Life isn’t about getting what we deserve, it’s about making the best of what we get. Princes don’t deserve to be princes; they just are. They’re born to it. And you were born to it. You were born to be a glorious, benevolent, gentle, brave, kind, mighty, noble, wise, honourable, self-actualised prince. Be it. If life hands you good things, enjoy them, and, if possible, share them with your friends and subjects, as a good prince should. Don’t worry about whether or not you deserve good things; instead, make sure you become worthy of them, by striving to be a good, honourable person.
• Remember, a true prince knows that everyone is valuable, and that his friends and subjects are as precious and important as he is. No one’s life is worth more than yours; and no one’s is worth less, either.
• Work on being a good person. How can you rule your life – your kingdom – if you can’t rule yourself? Identify your weaknesses and see what can be done to fix or control them. Remember, the greatest enemy comes from within: it is your own flaws that will do you the greatest damage. Know them, navigate them, undo them piece by piece. Don’t try to rush this process: it will last your entire life, and so it should. Don’t try to become perfect: you will fail, for you are inherently imperfect. But here is a great secret: perfection is an illusion anyway. Strive for brilliance, for excellence, for improvement – but never perfection. Chasing such a mirage will destroy you and everything you have managed to build thus far. Have high standards, but know that even you will fail your own standards sometimes.
• Treat yourself with courtesy and love. Would you speak to others as you allow that nasty inner voice to speak to you? Would you say to someone you love the things you sometimes say to yourself? Your inner thoughts can be your greatest enemy or your greatest friend: which would you rather have living inside your head? When someone wrongs you, a wise and magnanimous prince forgives but takes care around that person in future. Likewise, forgive yourself, and acknowledge the flaw that led you to wrong yourself, taking steps to prevent it happening again.
• Confidence is your birthright. You have as much right to be here as any other living creature on this planet. Remember your value. You have a crown within your soul even when there is no crown on your head, and anywhere you sit is a throne. 
• Life is full of difficult decisions, particularly with regard to other people. Do your best at all times, and let that be the end of it, for you can do nothing more than your best. Try not to hurt others, but do not let them rule you: you must rule yourself. In things that do not concern others, you do not need their approval. 
• Take care of your body. Feed it as well as you can, exercise it, clean it, give it plenty of water and sleep. Find a form of exercise that you like, and fall in love with it and, in the process, with your body. Never hurt your body on purpose, and forgive it for being what it is or for not being what you wanted it to be: it can no more help being what it is than you can help being what you are. Listen to your body's signals; they are there for a reason and that reason is to help you take care of it. A prince understands that no matter how powerful he is, he cannot change nature itself, but only work with it. Enjoy your body and what it brings you. Decorate it with clothes, perfume, creams, jewellery, tattoos, flower crowns – whatever makes you feel good in your corporeal dwelling. Move with grace, and be aware of your posture: you are a prince! Princes do not slouch!
• Indulge. You were not put here to be miserable. Why should a prince worry about whether or not he can allow himself a slice of chocolate cake? Why should a prince feel unworthy of having flowers in his lounge? Of course a prince is entitled to a fur bedspread, a new necklace, an ice cream, a fancy pen, a fresh mango. Only the ignorant would challenge such harmless indulgence on the part of royalty.
• A good prince should be heroic. But heroism is not the same thing as drama or violence: before you fight, be sure that you need to. Many wrongs are best addressed in another way; even if your heart thrills at the thought of battle, learn to love a peaceful solution. Negotiation is at least as important as warcraft, for greater than the greatest warrior is he who averts a war in the first place. Avoid taking revenge for slights and small wrongs: you are above such pettiness. You have a kingdom to rule – what does it matter that a stable-boy flicked a towel at you? A stable-boy's impudence is the stable-boy's problem, not yours. Know how to defend yourself and others; learn to ascertain when you should fight and when you should not; and remember that there are many ways to fight. 
• You will make mistakes: that’s normal: how else are you to learn? The best thing to do with mistakes is to learn from them. For every mistake, learn something. 
• You are responsible for everything you do. Everything. Own your actions. 
• Learn to apologise graciously. Despite your best intentions and best attempts, you will occasionally hurt people. A prince is humble and noble enough to acknowledge when he has made a mistake, and gracious and loving enough to apologise to those he hurt. Inability to genuinely apologise is the mark of the arrogant, and a prince should never be arrogant.
• Niceness and goodness are not the same thing. What is goodness? It is always doing what is right, no matter the cost to yourself. What is niceness? It is politeness, friendliness, elegance, charm, smooth words, the appearance of goodness. Many of the most awful people in the world are very nice; and those who do what is right are not always perceived as being nice. Be as nice as you can, but always, always, be good. And remember to look at people’s actions, not just their words: sometimes niceness ends where actions begin. 
• Confront yourself, prince. Sometimes the scariest things in the world are the things that look back at us in the mirror. Be brave. Be kind. Be loving. Point your heart in the direction of goodness, justice, and love.

(Reminder: preorders of Raymond's Nemesis, the sequel to Raymond, are now available at iBooks, Kobo, and Barnes & Noble. My previous blog post here has more about the book. You can view the book's page here at Smashwords, but Smashwords does not have the capacity for preorders.)

Pre-order for Raymond's Nemesis

If you enjoyed Raymond, you may wish to know that there is a sequel: Raymond's Nemesis.

–––––

Toby Wilson's enigmatic friend from school, Raymond, has a secret, and Wilson is determined to help him keep it. So far, he has managed to keep the fact that Raymond is a 'sort-of vampire' hidden even from his best mates, Callum and George. As far as they are concerned, Raymond is just 'unusual', or 'eccentric'; after all, so long as he can play basketball with them and Wilson, what do a strange accent, a curious eye-colour, and an extraordinary amount of poise, matter?
But then a new student arrives at their school and starts to show a discomforting amount of interest in Raymond. The new student has a bullying streak, and seems to suspect that Raymond is … different. If he figures out what Raymond is hiding, Raymond and Wilson will be in the biggest trouble of their young lives: blackmail, lies, and difficult questions from parents and teachers could be just the beginning. Once again, Wilson finds himself in a graveyard at midnight with questionable company, and, suddenly, keeping Raymond and his dangerous secret safe becomes far more difficult and frightening than either Wilson or Raymond had imagined it could.
‘Raymond’s Nemesis’ is the second story in the ‘Raymond’ series.

–––––

Raymond was published on 31 December 2017, as an end-of-year surprise for my readers. Raymond's Nemesis is scheduled for publication on the same date this year: 31 December 2018 – though if you live in the Northern Hemisphere, that will be the 30th for you, and websites that are based in the Northern Hemisphere will show the release date as the 30th.

If you want to receive Raymond's Nemesis the moment it is released, you can pre-order it.
If you're not familiar with pre-orders, they are quite simple: you can order the book in advance, but you will not be charged until the day the book is released.
Pre-orders are open now at Barnes & Noble, and should soon be available at Kobo and iBooks. You can also view the book's page at Smashwords, though pre-orders won't be available there (but you will be able to buy the book there when it is released). The price is US$0.99, which is about $1.55 in New Zealand dollars as I type this.

The cover is to be revealed in November.
Here is an extract from the story.

–––––

A couple of weeks later, Raymond e-mailed me to ask if we could meet at the graveyard again after school someday that week. I replied that I had agreed to meet with Callum and George that afternoon, but the following afternoon, which was Thursday, I would be available.

As always, he was at the graveyard before me. I usually chatted with George and Callum for a few minutes after school, and that pause gave Raymond time to get a head start, so that we wouldn’t be seen walking together.

We dumped our backpacks in the shade of the great oak tree, and Raymond sat cross-legged in the short grass.

“What’s up?” I asked, flopping down beside him.

“Do you recall Logan Graves, the student who joined our school at the beginning of this term?”

I pondered. “The tall guy with dark hair?”

“Indeed. He has been displaying an interest in me.”

I looked at him uneasily. Raymond had such an unusual way of putting things. “What sort of … ‘interest’?”

“It is difficult to say. On numerous occasions I have seen him observing me with definite interest, perhaps curiosity. Generally I try not to be obvious, but this Logan seems to have noticed me. He seems to have perceived that I am … different.”

I frowned. We were silent for a moment.

“I suppose … it was bound to happen eventually,” I mused heavily.

“Of course,” Raymond agreed, “and I must admit that I never had a completely satisfactory plan as to what to do when it did.”

I looked at him. “Oh.

“… I sort of hoped that you did.”

“Most of what I do can be explained,” Raymond said. “I have an unusual eye colour; that is remarkable, but not abnormal. I seldom blink –”

“You never blink,” I interjected. “Not when anyone’s looking, anyway.”

“That is true,” Raymond conceded. “I could invent a medical condition to explain that, and also to explain why I stay out of the sun and wear sunglasses when outside.”

“You’re pale, but lots of people are pale, and you would be if you stay out of the sun all the time,” I supplied. “And you have an accent because you come from Romania.”

“Just so,” agreed Raymond.

I grinned. “Your dress sense is a little harder to explain.”

Raymond looked at me. “What is wrong with my dress sense?”

“Nothing. That’s the whole point. You dress better than anyone I’ve met. Certainly better than anyone else at school.”

“Ah, I see. Thank you.”

“But then most of the time we’re wearing uniforms at school anyway. And the reason you speak like that – all politely and properly – is that English is your second language.”

Raymond looked at me appreciatively. “Precisely.”

“So if we can explain everything about you, what’s the problem?”

Raymond inhaled deeply. “When you first began to notice me, did you not say all these things to yourself in your mind?”

“Um … I suppose so.”

“And yet you still found yourself wondering whether or not I was a vampire.”

“Well … yeah. But there was the blood thing. That was what really made me wonder. You could have been just a really unusual guy, except that you couldn’t keep your eyes off other people’s blood.”

“Indeed.”

“So … all you have to do is disguise your –” I shrugged, not knowing what to call it. “Your blood obsession.”

Raymond was silent.

“It’s not that hard, is it?” I asked.

Raymond sighed. “It should not be.”

“Just stay away from anyone who bleeds,” I told him. “You managed when Bertha threw that basketball at me. My nose was bleeding, but you didn’t even look at me.”

“I was focussed on preventing Bertha from harming you further.”

“Right. So … focus on something else. Distract yourself. Just don’t let Logan see you staring.”

Raymond nodded. “You are right. It should be easy.”

I hesitated. “Then why don’t you sound convinced?” I pressed him. “Come on, you’re the guy with the amazing self-control. The guy who never blinks or raises his voice. You can make yourself look away if you have to.”

The corners of Raymond’s mouth quirked in the merest of smiles. “You flatter me.”

“Well, it’s true, isn’t it?”

“Sometimes, as you know,” Raymond said slowly, “there are moments when I am more vampiric than even I intend to be.” 

–––––

Poem: The Sunset Of The World

The Sunset Of The World 

13 September, 2002. Edited 29 and 30 August, 2018. 

Once there was a spaceship that crashed in a field, and tall, thin, white aliens with slender, caressing fingers and wisdom in their eyes got out and marvelled at the blueness of the sky, the softness of the grass and the motion of the wind; but nobody noticed except the good children, who helped the aliens repair their spaceship and waved goodbye to them as they blasted off back into space.

Once there was a shattering earthquake that split the entire planet in two like a cracked egg, sending molten rock in blazing golden sheets and glowing orange fountains spurting all over the world; but nobody noticed except the good children, who quivered with fear for their parents and begged them to stay inside where they would be safe, and who, when they refused, went with them to protect them from the flames and falling rocks.

Once music started to burst from the stars, the most beautiful music the world has ever heard, filling the earth and making the animals dance and the flowers sing in answer, flooding the heavens until even the air and the light itself became part of the music; until the children closed their eyes and whirled in ecstasy; until the waters sang in their silver voices; until the trees entwined themselves in the music and their sap became soaked in it and their leaves fluttered in time with it; until the music permeated everything and everything became part of the music; but nobody noticed.

Once the aurora borealis spread over the whole sky in vast beaming colours, shot through with rainbows, and comets in silver and gold; and flashes of lightning rent the air in glaring, headsplitting light, while thunder cracked the heavens and black snow fell like soft rain; and the winds showed their forms as giant people with terrible eyes and the trees started to speak; but nobody noticed.

And finally the hearts of the mountains cracked and they fell over, bowed in the dust; and all the animals in the world brought all the children in the world (for now all were good), nudging them with their noses and carrying them on their backs, to a place on the shore where all the sea creatures gathered together; and the Pied Piper looked at them all and smiled; and it was the sunset of the world. Then the Piper led them all through an iridescent door in the waves, which shone silver and gold and every colour in between, for the sun and the moon were shining in the sky together and it was both night and day; to join the fairies and elves and meet the gentle white aliens with slender fingers who would take them on a journey through the universe and show them many wonders; leaving behind them an empty world.
And if anybody noticed, they said nothing about it, and they all went on with their lives, but they were not really living;
And it was the sunset of the world.

A letter to my younger self

Child, your life will become more amazing than you expect. Not more amazing than you can dream, for some of our dreams remain unfulfilled at the time of my writing this, but some of them are fulfilled – in ways that are truly wonderful and beautiful and unexpected.

You will have adventures as you always wanted. They won’t be quite like the fun adventures you wanted – riding dragons, running away with pirates, travelling to other planets – but here’s the thing: adventures are not truly adventures unless they are scary. And scary things are not often fun. Your adventures will be scary, sometimes painful, and often not particularly fun. But they will still be adventures, and you will come out of them with greater experience, greater knowledge, greater strength, and a story to tell.
And yes: you'll fight with swords. You'll do archery. You'll wear cloaks on your back and knives at your waist, and it will all be as grand as you imagined it.

You will gain friends.
You will gain wonderful, beautiful friends who are not quite like the ones you picture but who supply you with the type of friendship you always dreamed of. You are right about friendship. All of it. You are so right.

You are right about many, many things.
You are right to gain and keep imaginary friends. You will need them and want them even as you grow older.
You are right to remain childlike and to refuse to grow up.
You are right about sexuality.
You are right about vegetarianism, and kindness to animals.
Don’t be afraid of yourself, for you are right about so many things.
Don’t listen to the people who tell you things that you know, in your core, are wrong. You are right: they are wrong. Hold your tongue, for, as you know, there is no use in arguing, but know that you are right: you were right all along.

I know you think you're ugly. But you're not. And as time goes on you will become beautiful. You'll be amazed by the way that, as you find the things you want, you become beautiful. You were never really ugly, child: it's just that you have to wear a mask. But someday you'll need to wear the mask less and less, until it becomes something you only have to put on occasionally, and the rest of the time you can show your real face – your beautiful face – to the sun, and even to many of those most dreadful of creatures: human beings. And you'll look in the mirror and no longer hate what you see.
Yes, really. I swear it.
I know it sounds impossible, but child, you have no idea how much better your life is going to get.

You will discover aspects of yourself that will amaze you. You will be astounded at the beauty and brilliance you attain, inside and out. You will do things that terrify you, things that horrify you, and things that you currently believe you cannot do. I won't tell you what they are, for you won't believe me, but just know that you are going to get even more badass than you think you might – though in ways that will surprise you.
Don't be afraid of that – of surprising yourself. You'll handle it. The surprises are good ones. Yes, really.

You are afraid of so many things. You'll always be a fearful person, I think, but you'll conquer many of your current fears. Disasters lie ahead – but so do triumphs. Yes, even for you. You will discover how brave, how strong you truly are. You think you are lacking, but the truth is this: you are already complete. It's just that no one sees it yet.

And oh, the good things you'll discover. The world has so many good things in it that you have yet to find.
So do not despair, child. Hold on, and keep going. You are right to guard yourself. You are right to keep hold of your soul. Stay the course, child, for your life will get so much better. All you have to do is wait.

And listen: you are loved. Or, you will be. You will be. You will be loved with the kind of love you crave. Your soulmate is already on this planet. Yes, really! You have a soulmate! Trust me: just hold on, and many of your dreams will come true. Even the ones you think are impossible.

It gets better, dear, sad, angry, lonely child. It gets so much better. You will be amazed at how much better and more beautiful your life will become.
Just hold on.

Oh, look: you did.

And it was worth it, no?